So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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