Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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