so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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