and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
they're like a gay fantastic four
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
