Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
