I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
