Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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