i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
