How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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