hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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