we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
