I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
