What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
