I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
