Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
