and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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