she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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