dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
