Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
