You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
