I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
