I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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