I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
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Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
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I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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