and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
