Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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