On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
