I wish my penis had an off switch
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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