glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
