You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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