You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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