But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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