jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
