youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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