It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
