i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
