EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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