hotel room ftw
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
