Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
