I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
