I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize