you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
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Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
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Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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