i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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