I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
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