You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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