Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives