Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Wipe that smile off your face.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
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I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
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bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.