I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
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Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.