its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
