He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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