we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
