He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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