Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
