this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
