I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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