That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
