I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
being pregnant is like rehab
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
