She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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