Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
