i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
