I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
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The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
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Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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