get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
