HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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