I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize