its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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