Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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