It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
