why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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